Bullshit!
I am mean because I really was programmed this way. I am also super sweet, naive, ready to give you the shirt off my back and the food in my cabinets, freaking awesome. This is just me. Sometimes (this may be hard to believe, but trust me)
1.Bullies bully because they are cruel.
2.Comedians make us laugh because they are good at it - and
3.Weird people are weird just cause.
Now before I get all up on my soapbox, I will admit to the world that I have some pain. We all do - we have all known suffering; death of a loved one, financial hardships, abuse, and what have you. It is not a pissing contest to see who has the worst story - We all have our woes. Could my own personal losses and heartaches have helped to make my meanness so sharp? Sure. Why not? I think that our past definitely shapes our lives and makes us what we are, but more than anything else - what I have taken from my losses and hardships is the fact that I kept on going - kept on working my job - kept on LIVING! I did not stall out, break down, become an alcoholic, get addicted to drugs, lose my mind and join a gang. I did not become a slut or decide that crime was a better way of life. I kept on keeping on...
And because of that - and that alone do I feel the need to belittle someone else going through issues (WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS) and use those issues as a CRUTCH - as an EXCUSE... For the reason they cannot function as a member of a better society, a good society. For the reasons they give for why they will not work - will take the hand-outs - and will add to the detriment of the world. Go to Hell - Die - I do not care, but do not take away from the rest of us because you cannot freaking DEAL with it!
--------- B R E A T H E -------------------
As you can see, I lose my temper with weak individuals. I do not appreciate them one iota. Being young is one thing - but being a full-grown adult is another matter entirely. Put it behind you and move on. Please, for the love of all that is holy - Do it Now. That tirade was a little mean wasn't it? I should apologize if you are someone that I insulted there, but I don't want to...
So LAUGH OUT LOUD and Feel free to be a little weird! It has worked miracles for me...
About the Pain
You judge me without even knowing me. That's okay, cause I am after all putting myself out here for the world to see - and judge.
I honestly do not care one way or another whether you like me or not. Sometimes I don't like me and I am me - so who am I to find fault with your perceptions?
1972: Born
1977: After a long fight and chemo, my sweet Mother passed away from the evil known as cancer. She was 51.
1979: My just-turned 18-year-old brother suddenly dies in our living room during the night. Aneurysm.
1980: Dad's Girlfriend from Hell: Virginia. She is a mother who kidnapped her children who the judge in her divorce case took away from her for being unfit to parent. She was hiding in TN from Oregon. She was an alcoholic, druggie who caused a huge fissure between me and my single-parent dad. The year from hell. The only beating I ever received from my daddy's hands came because of a confrontation between me and the she-bitch known as Virginia. It was so not a "whipping" with his hands or belt to my bottom - but a full out, throw the child down onto the floor and whip her with a belt (belt used as a whip), full out throttling! I eventually cried myself to sleep. That man who was wielding that belt in that manner was not my beloved Daddy. He was a man posessed and I felt so alone and trapped in my home with just him and his slutty-drunk girlfriend. Her kids were usually home alone with only the eldest (16 year-old Curtis) to watch over them. Good times.
1980: The year I realized that my married-to-a-preacher, never utters a curse word sister was a total badass! After the evidence of my beating at my daddy's hands became evident to a visiting big sister and her two kids, and when dear old daddy was not at home but a viscous mouthed Virginia was, my sister totally kicked her ass all over our small trailer. The kitchen window was smashed with her body - the kitchen table broken with her face! It was a train wreck worthy event that I could not stop watching - even as terrified as I was. That day went down in infamy. I was taken away from daddy that day and taken to one of my older brothers houses while my adult siblings discussed what to do with me in the interim. I felt both loved and hated. A posession to be passed around and a burden to those who I looked up to and called my family. With my closest brother (to me)being out of the state with his young wife working - it was a hardship one of the others had to bear... The bottom line was that I was not safe as long as I was at home with a dad who had become an alien to me. Total invasion of the body snatchers. Virginia turned my whole world upside down and I did not recognize my own life any longer.
Good Times...
Enough about that for now. My daddy was my world. He was my world again post-Virginia. He would always be number one in my heart... When he died in 1994 my world stopped in its tracks. I would forever be altered... a huge piece missing in my soul for many years. Until I would give birth to my first born son in 2002. Only his small body and sweet cries healing me.
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